Friday, September 10, 2010

DVD Review: ThanksKilling (by Dave Machado)

I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I've seen ThanksKilling. Words can't really explain what happens in the 60 minute long runtime of the epic ThanksKilling. In short, it is a movie about a killer turkey from the Pilgrim times who is raised from the dead and goes about killing all the white people he comes across. But really, it is so much more than that. If Orson Welles were alive today and was able to view ThanksKilling, he would finally witness Citizen Kane toppled as the greatest American movie of all time. He would also proceed to then eat an entire turkey.

The movie opens with a close up of a big (unclothed) boob. The camera pans out and we see that the boob is in fact a Pilgrim boob and it (along with the boob's owner) is being chased by the killer turkey. She is quickly slaughtered and we cut to present times, where an amazingly cliche group of friends are about to go on a road trip home for Thanksgiving break. They proceed to treat this like Spring Break ("Thanksgivng break! WOOO!") as they all pile into the jock's jeep to go home. Joining said jock are the dumb slut, the fat guy, the nerd, and the sweet innocent girl. These stereotypes are established very quickly and are then hammered into the ground for the rest of the movie. The best is that we know the slutty girl is a slut because the other girl claims "Your legs are harder to close than the Jon Benet Ramsey case!"

The rest of the movie isn't even worth spoiling here because the fun of it is seeing just how amazingly bad the story really is. But just in case I haven't convinced you to see this movie (Seriously!?), let me give you one more reason.  At one point, a character's father is killed by the turkey in his home as the group of kids are on their way to his house (The reason they are going there? "My Dad has a ton of books! One of them has to be about a killer turkey!"). So the turkey then cuts the father's face off (including mustache) and makes a little mask to put on his little turkey head. It's worth pointing out now that the turkey is normal sized and not a giant mutant turkey. When the group shows up, they proceed to talk to the turkey as if nothing is wrong, even bending down to give it little hugs. No one even notices that this is a turkey in disguise. If you are not running to go see this movie right now, you are dead to me.

In summary, watching ThanksKilling is like finding a lost text from the Bible. It changes your life for the better and you wonder how you ever lived without it to begin with. I'm sure some will say that this movie is a real "turkey" and for that, they should have their family kidnapped. I hope you all enjoy this movie as much as I did. I understand it may not be for everyone, but if you are looking for a great movie to put on for a laugh, I can't think of a better movie than ThanksKilling. It truly gave me something to be thankful for.

You're Welcome


  1. Great review.

    OH, by the way, that was my face the turkey cut off.

    Thanks for the kind words!
    Chuck 'Dead Body Guy' Lamb
    Sheriff Roud

  2. Dave,

    Thank you for the excellent find. I wont spoil it for the rest of your readers (well.. there's me, and Sheriff Roud, and your mom)..
    But this movie was amazing...
    To start the movie with a giant pilgrim boob, I thought that this was just going to be a naked romp with blood splatter like the a bunch of peeps praying to the Wicker Man, but it was more than that... Not since Jack Frost ( melted himself to only appear up from the shower drain to kill "a pre-American Pie" Shannon Elizabeth ala Janet Leigh style, have I been moved by such a movie..
    I hope there is a sequel to this gem.. someone better reach in there and grab the giblets.